The Relationship Check-In
It's almost Valentine's Day, and you know what that means.
...nothing. Not really. It's just a day.
But then again, so is the Winter Solstice, and I celebrate that, so the whole "it's just a day" bit is a little tenuous.
While I do not participate in the big commercial aspect of V-Day, because I have to be frugal as a single mom and because my boyfriend could not give less of a fuck, I do like to use the time as an opportunity to do Relationship Check-Ins.
What is a Relationship Check-In?
A process by which you and those important to you take time to look both back and forward to improve the connection you enjoy.
It's something you can tailor to relationships with your kids, family, partner(s), colleagues, and other members of your microcosm.
It's a pause to be where you are, and evaluate exactly where that is.
When to do check-ins?
I started doing this many years ago when my boyfriend scheduled a lunch date six months into our relationship. We had never seen each other in the daytime, and had never had a date that didn't end in sex.
He mentioned that he wanted to see me for lunch when we both had to return to work so that we would peel back the precedented flow of our interactions and allow for examination.
Because of this, I tend to do these check-ins about twice a year, but I also think it's prudent to do them:
- After major disruptions or conflicts
- losing a job
- having a big fight or series of tiffs
- adding a baby or animal to your family
- deaths in your community
- the arrival of fascism in America
- Before stressful or intense transitions
- big things at work
- tough conversations with family
- moving
- starting a new job
- going back to school
What is your Relationship Check-In Protocol?
It's super simple and honestly fun once you get the hang of it.
There's a handy downloadable PDF for you right here 👇
I hope this helps and that you enjoy the process. While it might seem stilted and feel stiff at first, being intentional can take some getting used to. It's worth it. Keep going <3
If you use this tool, I would love to hear about it. Email me back or comment here.
And hey, if you found this useful, I bet you know someone else who would find it helpful, too. Would you please forward this email to someone who might benefit?
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