13 Words to Rule Them All

Avoid these 3 communication mistakes (I used to make them, too!)

Many years ago, when I was counseling at an opioid dependence clinic in Greenville, SC, I learned a saying that I’ve carried with me ever since:

👉 Say what you mean, mean what you say, and don’t say it mean.

Simple, right? But also? Life-changing.

Because when I first heard it, I was drowning in bad communication habits. Passive-aggression, people-pleasing, over-explaining, hypercriticism—you name it, I did it.

I started practicing this little phrase like a mantra, and I swear, it cleaned up 90% of my communication struggles almost overnight.

Let’s talk about how this actually works in real life.

💬 Scenario: You get invited to something you don’t want to attend.

Your boss' wife's sister—who you were in a sorority with, but she was a total bitch to you back then—invites you to her Chihuahua's quinceañera.

You are:
❌ Swamped at work
❌ Already booked for barre at 7 p.m.
❌ Hoping to see your husband in an awake state at least once this week

Here’s how bad communication habits would handle it:

❌ Passive-aggressive: “Oh wow, so happy to finally be included 🙃.”
(You still haven’t forgiven her for Punch Bowl Day 2006.)

❌ People-pleasing: “OMG I’d love to! Yay! Do you need help setting up? Can I bring anything?”
(WHY did I just sign up to make 60 tiny dog cupcakes?!)

Instead, try this:

✅ Based: "Thank you for inviting me! I hope Winky has an amazing party! Unfortunately, I can’t make it, but y’all are going to have the best time. HBD, Winky! 🎂"

You’re honest, clear, and polite—without the guilt, resentment, or over-explaining.

The 3 biggest communication mistakes I see people make are:

1️⃣ Passive aggression (when you don’t say what you mean)
2️⃣ People-pleasing (when you don’t mean what you say)
3️⃣ Hypercriticism (when you say it mean)

If you catch yourself doing one of these, don’t panic! Just come back to the mantra:

👉 Say what you mean.
👉 Mean what you say.
👉 Don’t say it mean.

It works. Every time.

And hey, if you do end up at a Chihuahua quinceañera, at least get some good pics. 📸🐕✨ I'm @margaretmasontate on all platforms and would love a DM with exactly this content 🤪

Love, 

M.

P.S. Struggle with over-explaining or setting boundaries? Hit reply and tell me which one trips you up the most!