Hear The Words That Are Said

Fear, anxiety, shame, and self-loathing cause us to conflate innocuous or neutral confrontations with attacks or unsafe situations. 

(Does "neutral confrontation" sound like an oxymoron? It's not! Don't worry, we will work on changing the relationship with confrontation later on.) 

This is why it's easy to spiral when a text from a co-worker comes through that reads, "Please don't park in the front of the building today, my mother is coming and needs the more accessible spot." 

Because we don't actually process the words that were said. We instead process what we are terrified was said. Which is more like, "Since you always hog the good spots I have to reach out and chastise you to protect my sainted mother, who will assuredly not like you."

But...that's not what was said. At all. And it's on us to recognize when rejection sensitive dysphoria, paranoia, anxiety, and shame crop up in everyday situations. Notice the incongruous feeling, say hello to it, and unyoke it from the situation or statement at hand. 

Then, re-read or go back over what was actually said. Chances are, you'll find freedom in the increased objectivity...and in the improved communication.