Shame Socks, Part One: The Socks on the Stairs

We’ve all been there. 

You’re carrying a basket of laundry through your home and a sock or two fall out and onto the stairs. 

Maybe you don’t notice at that moment. Maybe you do and pause, then think, “I’ll get that in a minute.” Maybe you see it, intend to pick it up, but realize have to pee and then you lose the thought completely. 

Whatever happens, the socks stay on the stairs.

The next time you walk up or down the stairs, you note the socks. You think to yourself, “Self, you need to pick up those socks,” You agree with yourself that you should.

But you’re in a hurry. Or on the phone. Or you’re going in the wrong direction of the laundry basket. Or you’re being asked a question by a member of your household. And you just…walk on by. 

The next time you are on the stairs, you have some real ammunition to use against yourself. You’ve got prime fodder for the shame cannon. And fire you do. 

“I need to pick up the fucking socks, why didn’t I do it last time?”

But…

You don’t pick up the socks. 

Those socks can stay on those stairs for days. Weeks, if you let them. They will stay there until the moment you decide that continually pinging that shame button—just a little, as a treat—might seem like it feels more comfortable to your brain because those are the neural pathways you’re used to. 

The brain literally the  path of least resistance. 

So making a new pathway is harder, you are legitimately experiencing the resistance you feel you are. It’s not “in your head.” It’s real, AND, you can bust out of it. 

Pick up the socks. Pick them up right away. This will eventually lead to a higher ability to finish other tasks quicker and with higher efficacy. Emails become easier to respond to quickly. The dishes stay out of the sink. 

When we refuse to allow our habits to access the juicy brain chemicals from self-loathing, shame, and self-abuse, we replace in ways that are restorative: we take care of our environments and our bodies, we affirm our own choices, and we give grace to ourselves when there is a misstep. 

The next time you see a shame sock lying around, pick it up! And then encourage someone close to you to do the same. This is where that snowball of executive function begins. 

Stay tuned for Shame Socks, Part Two: The Sockening wherein I discuss pitfalls that might sabotage your progress if you’re not careful!